Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

Another Sunday. The end of five weeks of confinement. For me–seven weeks, almost 1/6th of the year. The weeks fly by, there is a sameness about everything which, in many ways, is comforting. Yet, early March, when I first had my cold (definitely not the virus) seems like an eternity ago. President Macron came on national TV last Monday to tell us that the confinement would last through May 11. Then he outlined a plan that would start on May 12, assuming the curve had flattened and France’s deaths were declining. It would begin with primary school students going back to school, a few stores opening up and some services that had been shut down re-opening slowly. There was an implication that the eldest, the frailist and the most vulnerable would be asked to stay indoors. That was confirmed on Wednesday when the government’s chief scientific adviser, Jean-François Delfraissy, said that people over 65 years of age would stay confined the longest. On Friday, he reversed what he said and promised that all ages would have restricitons lifted at the same time.

Sign on the street saying “Stay in your home”

It is one thing to be in lockdown and know that all my friends and neighbors were in the same boat as me. Friday morning, before the reversal, I thought of people going out and walking along the Seine, crossing the Pont Neuf and Pont Alexander III, going to the American Library, and I had to stay at home. Some friends said ‘it’s unconstitutional. They can’t age discriminate.’ I didn’t feel picked on at all. All along I have felt as safe as one can feel during a crisis like this. I have felt that France is looking after me. So if the wisdom said “You are over 65. We think it’s a good idea that you use extreme caution and stay inside,” ok, I would follow it. But I knew it would be harder. I would feel more alone, that I’m saying I’m vulnerable.

All the prime channels say the same thing in the corner: “Stay at home”

I thought of the Serenity Prayer which I say a lot. Sometimes I say it without really thinking about what it actually says. But Friday, I said it to myself many times as a way to pray for acceptance. What are the things I cannot change? This virus, how others respond to the restrictions, when it will all end if it does ever actually completely end, my age among other things.

Wisteria-it never lasts long enough. A real sign of Spring.

What can I change? and do I have the courage to act on my own behalf? I can always change my attitude if I get lonely or too tired or grumpy, I can do as much exercise indoors and use my hour outside to walk – they say the stronger a person is the better they can fight off the virus, I can keep working and writing which feels very good – and when I feel good, I feel more positive and stronger, I can keep connected with as many people as I can so that the world feels very small right now. Stephen Colbert, in talking about the virus and the One World Concert that was held last night, showed us a T-shirt he was selling to raise money for healthcare workers and food for people who are going hungry. The front of the T-shirt said “United we stand, Divided. we fall” He was urging social distancing for as long as we can and how these things are actually bringing us together.

Sign on the door of Picard (one of my favorite stores): Everyone United–Check out priority-healthcare workers, pregnant women, older people and handicapped people. Thanks for your understanding.

Maybe… It seems there are two camps. There is the one camp that has turned some yucky lemons into wonderful lemonade–feeling closer to their friends and neighbors, not being self-destructive with food (Colbert said “order two of these T-shirts. One in the size you wear and one in the size you’ll be after we get out of lockdown and you’ve eaten everything available.”), allowing the slow-down of time to give birth to creativity, to meditate more, to rest more, to read more and learn more. Then there is the other camp. The ones who are scared and anxious, who listen to news that riles them up, makes them angry and provoked, who assume everyone is having as hard a time as they are, are basically miserable.

Sent to me by a friend in California.

The wisdom to know the difference. When I was a young woman, I kept repeating some stupid behaviors over and over again. I ran into brick walls, bloodied my nose then did it all over again. I had some older women friends and I would go crying to them each time I hurt myself. Finally one of them, in total frustration, said to me “Sara, has it ever occurred to you, when you are headed for that wall, to turn left?” Intellectually, I knew what she meant. I got the metaphor. But I didn’t have the wisdom, or self-knowledge to know when to turn. I guess wisdom comes from making mistakes, sometimes years of mistakes. This extraordinary time has allowed me to show myself the wisdom that I have picked up over six decades of life. I will say “Amazingly, I’m finding that lockdown isn’t difficult.” Perhaps it isn’t all that amazing. Perhaps it’s years of saying the Serenity Prayer and, to the very best of my ability, putting it into action. Meditators will call what they do “a practice”. They keep practicing every day. I tell people a lot younger than me who are trying to change some behaviors to “consider it a muscle you haven’t used in a long time or maybe ever. Strengthen that muscle a little at a time every day, keep practicing” Then comes a time in one’s lifetime when all the practice pays off. For my parents, it was the Depression and WWII. For us, it’s the Covid-19 virus of 2020. Extraordinary times brings out the best in many of us and the worst in many of us. Thanks to the Serenity Prayer and a lot of love, I’m being a person I quite like these days. So, I’m not wild about May 11 being the possible end of lockdown but it is what it is. I’m prepared.

May 12, also happens to be the launch date of my book Saving Sara A memoir of food addiction. I have a radio interview that day and will celebrate with as many people as I can.

Just a little chuckle

A bientot,

Sara

The View from Paris–a political opinion

Last week, as I wrote here, I visited the D-Day Museum in Caen and also went to two of the Normandy beaches. At the same time, I was reading The Flight Portfolio by Julie Orringer: the story of one of many little known heroes who did daring feats and risked their lives to resist the Nazis and the Vichy. It’s 75 years since D-Day, June 6, 1945 and new stories of resistance in WWII are still being written. To me, the most distressing stories are the ones of human blindness and ignorance as Germany became proudly anti-Semitic and built up to war.

So why, I wonder, aren’t we learning from past mistakes? “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.“(George Santayana). From my perspective here in Paris, the US Constitution is being trampled on in ways that were unimaginable three years ago. I remember November 9, 2016: I had gone to bed early the night before having seen the writing on the wall. I woke up praying. The computer and TV told me that Donald Trump would be POTUS come Jan. 20, 2017. As shocked and stunned as I was, I did think “we’ve gotten through bad times before, we can do it again.” Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the environment in the White House, a man with absolutely no moral compass being declared the leader of the Free World.

I do get it: People were fed up with the status quo. They wanted change at any price. Isn’t this similar to Germany in the early 1930s when Hitler came to power. Both men got into an office of tremendous power by instigating an atmosphere of fear and hatred. I wasn’t alive during WWII. I was raised by two parents who had lived through the war and tried to teach me the meaning of freedom. I was a slow learner. It wasn’t until I was well into my 30s that I grasped the huge price in human life that the Allies paid to win that war. And it was sometime in my 60s that I realized it’s not a given that the good guys win. I couldn’t actually grasp how people lived through the Hitler years, the Dark Ages, Spain under Franco. It scared me.

My generation rebelled against the Vietnam War. This younger generation has thrown all it’s protesting energy behind the emergency warning cry for Climate Change. Even Jane Fonda, the anti-Vietnam voice of my generation, is getting arrested for Climate Change each week.

Jane Fonda, center, being arrested on Friday along with other activists like Jodie Evans, right. The actress spent the night in jail. Credit…Jared Soares for The New York Times

What about the rest of us? Have we gotten so cynical that we can’t do anything. I have a friend who says “I’ll go to the ballot box but don’t talk to me about politics.” In some ways, I don’t blame her. When I visit the US, TVs blare 24/7. I don’t know if anyone actually listens. Here in Paris, I read my news. President Trump acts as if he does not believe in democracy. I think he really believes he didn’t do anything wrong on the July 25th Ukranian call. I’m told that the far-right Republicans say we are in Civil War and anything is fair game in war. Trump thinks of himself as Emperor and “off with your head” if you aren’t 100% with him.

I’m still watching the Democrats squabble among themselves and I don’t have any clear idea of the path ahead for them. Do they? I feel discouraged by my party. It’s not who is the best person to be POTUS, it’s who can beat Trump. When we get together, we don’t talk about a candidate’s pros and cons, we talk about whether a woman can beat Trump, whether a gay man can beat Trump, will the US elect another African-American president? Democrats Abroad is hosting Zoom meetings and inviting every candidate to present their platform to those of us who sign up. I think it is the only place where I hear what they stand for.

One month before the mid-term elections, Malcolm Nance spoke to an audience at the American Library in Paris. He told us, “Get everyone you know to get out the vote. This could possibly be the end of the great American experiment.” I feel that way today. But I don’t have time to get active with Dems Abroad. How many people say that and look back and wish they hadn’t believed their own voices? So I will get active. There is always time.

I pray a lot and end up saying the Serenity Prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
–Reinhold Niebuhr

I don’t often write political opinion and probably won’t again for awhile but these things I had to ask. Thank you for bearing with me.

A bientôt,

Sara